Perhaps it's already obvious that we should let the much unloved "LB Tabloid" experiment quietly go off into a dark corner and die. Sometimes you get these ideas and you think that other people will find the notion just as stimulating and exciting as you do yourself, but then they don't and you find yourself really wondering well, what was the point of that?
It's also becoming ever more obvious that I'm now so far out of touch with what interests and amuses normal people (i.e. everyone else...) that whatever passes for thought inside my head is unlikely to resonate with anyone out there in the real world. The fact that highly paid and athletically built footballers occasionally sleep with people who throw themselves at them and to whom they are not married appears to be such a huge "shock" to the general public at large that it now seems to be the only sort of thing that gets the world all animated. Happily we now have mediums like this one where I can rattle on and on in relative obscurity and get it out of my system without having to waste anyone else's limited supply of precious free time.
So what's been gnawing away at my irritation centres this week...?
THE ARMCHAIR DISPUTE
TRADING IN
I noticed that in these cash-strapped times, more and more companies seem to be appearing in the adverts offering to trade in your old stuff for cash. The "Not as much Cash for Gold as it's probably worth" syndrome seems to be spreading into other areas of the household. An old hoarder like me could no doubt get not very rich if I could be bothered to convert all my old tat into insignificant amounts of cash and then I could blow it all on one trip to the petrol station.
The latest one clogging up the TV advertising space seems to be offering to convert my "old" CDs and DVDs into cheques for £50. This is when I have a quiet mental earthquake when I realise that something we used to call "a record collection" (or similar) is now just something to be mined for profit. I know that I'm old fashioned, but as a committed collector, I know that I'd still rather have the stuff on a shelf to get down and listen to or watch once in a while rather than have it vaguely exist in the "cloud".
ELECTRONIC DRAWING
Talking about all things modern and new, is it me or do those various TV ads for electronic drawing things annoy anybody else? No? Just me then. I keep on seeing these gadgets and gizmos that claim to enhance drawing skills and bring families together through the medium of drawing on a screen and I really can't help but wonder quite what is wrong with the idea of some pens and a piece of paper.
The little hand held portable ones were bad enough with their green blobby trees, but now when drawing becomes a wide-screen interactive family "experience" that can't actually be stuck onto the fridge door, I do start to think that it loses something somehow. Perhaps it just seems a shame that the only way to get people interested in interacting with their children (and vice-versa) is to make it into a computer game. What was wrong with a kitchen table covered in glue and cardboard and glitter and then spending actual time making something real? Or do we simply not have the time any more to clear up after ourselves? To me, it just seems such a half-hearted way of approaching things.
Now, I'm not going to criticise anything that stimulates the creativity of anyone, but sitting alone in a room with pencils and paints and trying to work out the basic skills required to make a piece of paper into a convincing representation of a world was, to me, one of the most exciting ways of passing through my own particular childhood. Talking of which, I've been working on a bit of artwork in my spare time myself this week, which, if it turned out okay, I might even have end shared with you by now...
GORDON BROWN SPOTTED
A Gordon Brown was actually spotted at President Obama's address at Westminster Hall on Wednesday 25th May 2011. I saw him standing there in the row of past Prime Ministers and I realised that I really hadn't seen him in public for quite some time. In fact hardly at all since he was seen almost merrily skipping (well, relatively speaking of course) out of Downing Street just over a year ago.
I always had a lot of time for poor old Gordon. I sometimes think I was the only one in the entire country who did. He just seemed to be one of those "unlucky" politicians for whom nothing really seemed to go right and who, once he got into power, never seemed to be able to set his own agenda. It didn't seem to help much that the media seemed to sense that he was unpopular and the pack seemed to be circling around him almost from his first day in office.
Ultimately he does seem to have been a decent enough chap who wanted to use his position to do some good for those in society whom he he considered deserved better, but nothing much seemed to go right for him and nobody ever seemed to be given the chance to find out about any of the positive things he was trying to achieve. Instead he seems to be the comedian's, spin doctor's and headline-writer's easy target and blame figure, but it was nice to see him back on the international stage again.
THE FIRST T.M.S. OF THE SUMMER
I always approach the morning of the first test match of the summer with a slightly happy feeling in my heart, and so it was this week when the First Test Match between England (and Wales) against Sri Lanka started on a wet Thursday in Cardiff. As usual, I set up my "Radio Five Live Sports Extra" and, despite the fact that it rained all morning, once those familiar bars of "Booker T and the MGs" started playing, it was officially summer for me, and a happy few hours in the company of Aggers, C.M.J., Geoff Boycott and the rest made my working day flow much more smoothly.
My favourite moment so far was when Aggers said "...and as the sun starts to come out in Cardiff, a cloud settles in beside me. Morning, Geoffrey!..."
Genius!
KIRSTIE ALLSOPP
So what's been gnawing away at my irritation centres this week...?
THE ARMCHAIR DISPUTE
Recently my aged mother failed to win an armchair. She's recently taken to entering competitions in order to hopefully supplement her limited income by getting something for nothing. As we all know, of course, just like a free lunch, "something for nothing" never really happens. However despite not having won the (probably nonexistent) "main prize" she was offered the "opportunity" to get an over-priced armchair at 35% off, which the wise old heads amongst you will already have realised was probably the purpose of the "competition" in the first place.
After a reasonable amount of gentle persuasion, my mother was convinced that inviting an over-eager salesperson to come to her home and tell her all about these chairs was not likely to be the best option. We've experienced that type of home "hard sell" before and its seldom a pleasant thing to put up with, especially if you're elderly, trusting and vulnerable. She has now been pointed in the direction of more affordable alternatives and is no doubt "silver surfing" her way to momentary happiness even as I write these words.
Sadly, this did lead to the inevitable offer that she would let me have her old armchair, which I had to decline, which didn't go down too well when I told her that we really didn't want or need it. "Most people would be glad to get some new furniture" (although "new" in this case means older than I am...) was the rather peeved response. I imagine that it's just a generational thing and dates from a time when furniture was built to last and be "handed down", but it does bring into sharp relief how very few years it has taken us to transform into the rather wasteful society with everything being so very disposable which we have become nowadays.
TRADING IN
I noticed that in these cash-strapped times, more and more companies seem to be appearing in the adverts offering to trade in your old stuff for cash. The "Not as much Cash for Gold as it's probably worth" syndrome seems to be spreading into other areas of the household. An old hoarder like me could no doubt get not very rich if I could be bothered to convert all my old tat into insignificant amounts of cash and then I could blow it all on one trip to the petrol station.
The latest one clogging up the TV advertising space seems to be offering to convert my "old" CDs and DVDs into cheques for £50. This is when I have a quiet mental earthquake when I realise that something we used to call "a record collection" (or similar) is now just something to be mined for profit. I know that I'm old fashioned, but as a committed collector, I know that I'd still rather have the stuff on a shelf to get down and listen to or watch once in a while rather than have it vaguely exist in the "cloud".
ELECTRONIC DRAWING
Talking about all things modern and new, is it me or do those various TV ads for electronic drawing things annoy anybody else? No? Just me then. I keep on seeing these gadgets and gizmos that claim to enhance drawing skills and bring families together through the medium of drawing on a screen and I really can't help but wonder quite what is wrong with the idea of some pens and a piece of paper.
The little hand held portable ones were bad enough with their green blobby trees, but now when drawing becomes a wide-screen interactive family "experience" that can't actually be stuck onto the fridge door, I do start to think that it loses something somehow. Perhaps it just seems a shame that the only way to get people interested in interacting with their children (and vice-versa) is to make it into a computer game. What was wrong with a kitchen table covered in glue and cardboard and glitter and then spending actual time making something real? Or do we simply not have the time any more to clear up after ourselves? To me, it just seems such a half-hearted way of approaching things.
Now, I'm not going to criticise anything that stimulates the creativity of anyone, but sitting alone in a room with pencils and paints and trying to work out the basic skills required to make a piece of paper into a convincing representation of a world was, to me, one of the most exciting ways of passing through my own particular childhood. Talking of which, I've been working on a bit of artwork in my spare time myself this week, which, if it turned out okay, I might even have end shared with you by now...
GORDON BROWN SPOTTED
A Gordon Brown was actually spotted at President Obama's address at Westminster Hall on Wednesday 25th May 2011. I saw him standing there in the row of past Prime Ministers and I realised that I really hadn't seen him in public for quite some time. In fact hardly at all since he was seen almost merrily skipping (well, relatively speaking of course) out of Downing Street just over a year ago.
I always had a lot of time for poor old Gordon. I sometimes think I was the only one in the entire country who did. He just seemed to be one of those "unlucky" politicians for whom nothing really seemed to go right and who, once he got into power, never seemed to be able to set his own agenda. It didn't seem to help much that the media seemed to sense that he was unpopular and the pack seemed to be circling around him almost from his first day in office.
Ultimately he does seem to have been a decent enough chap who wanted to use his position to do some good for those in society whom he he considered deserved better, but nothing much seemed to go right for him and nobody ever seemed to be given the chance to find out about any of the positive things he was trying to achieve. Instead he seems to be the comedian's, spin doctor's and headline-writer's easy target and blame figure, but it was nice to see him back on the international stage again.
THE FIRST T.M.S. OF THE SUMMER
I always approach the morning of the first test match of the summer with a slightly happy feeling in my heart, and so it was this week when the First Test Match between England (and Wales) against Sri Lanka started on a wet Thursday in Cardiff. As usual, I set up my "Radio Five Live Sports Extra" and, despite the fact that it rained all morning, once those familiar bars of "Booker T and the MGs" started playing, it was officially summer for me, and a happy few hours in the company of Aggers, C.M.J., Geoff Boycott and the rest made my working day flow much more smoothly.
My favourite moment so far was when Aggers said "...and as the sun starts to come out in Cardiff, a cloud settles in beside me. Morning, Geoffrey!..."
Genius!
KIRSTIE ALLSOPP
Why???
No, really... Why??!!
IN BRIEF...
One of the major travel companies has become the first of the mainstream travel agents to offer couples the chance to go on "child free" holidays, stating that "other people's children" are the most annoying thing that ruins people's holiday experiences. I wonder why it took them so long to notice.
Bolton and Stockport were both bidding for "city" status come the Diamond Jubilee (entries are now closed, apparently) and it was interesting to note that on the segment shown on the local news, the councillor from Bolton talked about the great people of Bolton, and the councillor from Stockport talked about ringing up Bolton and gloating when Stockport wins. Strangely enough, this pretty much convinced me that I'd rather Bolton got it.
The RHS are now running a campaign to indicate which plants are most likely to attract bees to your garden by adding a great big sticker with a picture of a bee on it and the words "perfect for pollinators" in big, friendly letters. I was more worried for their spokeswoman who, with no sense of her own peril, was walking around the BBC wearing the same label on her shirt front. I wonder if it worked for her...?
AND FINALLY...
As this is technically "page three", here's a picture of someone with their shirt off...
Marvin (33) enjoys making a splash, but we think he may be getting into deep waters here. Marvin (not his real name) is rarely seen without at least four layers of clothing to protect the world from his awfulness, but this picture was taken hundreds of miles from home and at least a decade before middle age grabbed hold of him and gave him a good wobble.
Marvin doesn't want to grow up and turn into one of those strange people hiding in an attic whose only contact with the outside world is via a keyboard.
What are the chances of that?
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